Hi, I've been looking at this sub and just not posting because I'm scared... Scared that he'll see my posts or that I'll lose my kids, but I don't know anywhere else on the internet even kind of like here so I might as well try it.

Sometimes I think I can just go ahead and keep living with my husband, because why break up a family? But then Sunday rolls around again and I hate my life. I'm like that story where the guy has an eagle eat his liver out on the regular. I just really hate my life. My husband and his parents hit my kid.

It wasn't so bad living with him before my child was conceived because at least I'm an adult and nobody is going to hit me? They might be Christian but at least no one is going to ask how my walk with Jesus is going or to tell me to pray. But then I got pregnant, and my husband didn't allow me to abort since he is pro life. When my child was an infant it was sort of all right, once my child got started on solids since my mother-in-law pushed so hard for feeding him rice cereal. But then it got bad again once my child mastered walking, because my mother in law started to hit my kid. I spoke to my husband immediately, not only about how I think it's not okay to hit kids, but even if I did, that shouldn't be a decision she makes without asking me, because she is not his mom. He thought I was overreacting, and dismissed my concerns as mentally ill and childish. His logic is that he doesn't see his mother as doing anything wrong because a Grandma can help raise the children and make parenting decisions. I cried so much, and he showed no sympathy, as if he were a father dealing with a daughter who wanted a toy he didn't want to buy. The next day, I thought of a different way to tackle the situation, but he just said "This shit again?" and continued to show no emotion while I cried my heart out again. I've often thought about killing myself, since I have such little say in raising my own child. I feel like I am being treated like the surrogate while my husband and his parents are the actual parents. And they justify their beliefs of hitting kids because of their Church of Christ religion. There's no way I could possibly live in a worse hell.

I don't have money, any job skills, or driving skills. I am convinced my husband would get full custody by telling the court I am mentally ill and staying with him is the only way to be able to raise my child and expose him to his culture (I am of Southeast Asian descent). I'm really sensitive, which is why I put the flair that I put since every time I have talked about my story elsewhere people roast me really hard so hopefully this subreddit will be a better place for me somehow.

Edit: More on the religion thing, when my husband and I agreed to get married he agreed that I could go to church every other week as an agreement, since that was the agreement that I proposed. But as soon as the second week of living with him came around, he got very sad and angry when I brought it up. I am basically forced to go to church with him and I have to pretend I like these awful bigoted people. Over the years that I have gotten to know these people and hear what they think is acceptable to pass as a sermon in church I hate them more and more. Besides being bigoted towards LGBT and non-christians, they are also anti-science by believing in a young Earth and a good number of what passes as a sermon is just whining about how science says that dinosaurs lived before humans. They also like to hate on Christians who are not Church of Christ, and say no one else are saved except for them (the ones who drink from one cup and eat from one bread). They're disgusting and I hate all of them. It's gotten even worse with this whole coronavirus thing because now they think they're oppressed because of the 10 person limit thing.

Edit 2: I have to be totally clear here. I said "kids" because I am 26 weeks pregnant. Ultrasound said it's a boy. I don't know if it would be a smart idea to change hospitals now, if I could wave a magic wand and I'm not here at this house anymore. My first childbirth was traumatizing, as I feel like I was mistreated by hospital staff when they were deciding on whether or not to admit me as a patient. I informed this current hospital of what happened, and I have no idea if it would be better or worse at another hospital, since while she listened to my feelings on what happened and acknowledge that I was upset, she also said that it wasn't something that they could guarantee that they would not do. But at the same time at least I am having a relationship with a hospital and communicating that's something I didn't like happened before and if I suddenly show up to new hospital on a whim and then I don't know if I will get that bad thing to happen to me again.