I don't have any experience with or understanding of IFS going into this. We had our second session today, basically a check-in to see where my partner and I are both at right now.

I got therapy homework. I'm supposed to sit with the tangled mess of stressful and upsetting feelings I have about my partner right now and just let myself feel those feelings.

I kind of understand how this is important, but I just... don't want to do it. I don't like these feelings. I don't want to be feeling them. I'm in the couples therapy to fix things so I don't have these feelings hanging over me anymore, I'm trying to escape/ignore/lessen/manage/mitigate/etc these feelings so they go away. Why do I have to put aside the parts of myself that are protecting and insulating me from the feelings? All feeling that tangled mess of shit does is make me cry and feel completely hopeless and despairing. I want this part of me to not be a thing at all, and acknowledging it so directly seems counterintuitive to me.

And after all the effort I've put in to avoiding facing these feelings, how do I even start to ease back all the walls I've been trying to keep them trapped behind in order to sit with them??