I really feel like there's no hope, like I always try to leave and I end up back where I was, like this blackpill thing is stuck in my mind forever, feeling like no matter what I do, or how much I try to improve I'm always going to be this short and ugly person with nothing going for me. Because I have no beauty or majesty to attract anyone to me, because I will never be truly desired and no one will truly want me, and I will never be him, I'm just somebody else, born destined to fail, born destined to not get what I want. Like I was cursed by someone, because nothing I can do will be enough, not enough for them and not enough for me aswell, as if under all my shortcomings there are new ones I didn't know about, but I keep finding them and they don't stop. Knowing that no woman will look at this thing I am and think "WOW", and at best she will think "not that bad" because that's all I am. Finding myself fighting against what I can't win, be it nature or the universe or God, it's a worthless fight. Some men know about all of this and continue to live their lives, but I'm not that strong, I can't take it, I need it, the validation, the desire, the lust, the love, the admiration or maybe even the worship, I know I can't live happy without them, I'm too insecure for that, I guess maybe you can call me a narcissist for that, and maybe you are right, but that's just who I am, I was born like that and I can't change it.

I feel trapped and I don't know if I can withstand it.