I am really burnt out on poly dating and questioning if it is something actually worth continuing to intentionally pursue. For context, I am an autistic woman in my 30s. I recently had an experience that has really fucked with me and after reading the article posted about Franklin Veaux, I realize I have been dealing with some element of the behavior described with almost every man/AMAB I've gone out with this year, the most recent being one of the more egregious examples. My connections end quickly and don't go anywhere because I do stand up for myself and expect accountability, but it's been hard not to internalize all of these rejections and failures as something inherently wrong with me. At least this article validates that I am doing something right if I am more quickly weeding out these dudes instead of giving them a chance.

But that leaves me with the reality that poly dating has been largely about how I can fit into someone elses' tiny relationship box with everything else they have going on. No one has the space to create something new, they just want me to supplement their already full life. In some ways, it feels more restrictive than monogamy. I'm tired of being treated casually, I'm tired of the non-commitment, I'm tired of all the dudes having figured out what language to avoid without actually thinking about what that means. I'm really tired of being treated as disposable and like my feelings don't matter, all in the name of autonomy. I don't think I can even use the RA label anymore because solopoly and RA have attracted a whole brand of fuck boys that don't take me seriously. It does not matter how upfront you are about what you want and need, because poly dudes are so thirsty, they will tell you what you want to hear or they lack the self awareness to even realize it. I'm burnt out and I'm hurting.

I know my feelings aren't exactly uncommon among poly women who date men. Polyamory is not a part of my identity, they same way monogamy never was. I want non-traditional relationships with people that works outside of all of our oppressive systems, and I thought poly was my avenue to that. I don't know where to find my people.