Been seeing this guy (M) for 3 months. He but me up because in my profile I say I'm polyamorous and I describe unicorn hunting and why it's an unrealistic expectation. He and his partners were trying to force a triad to work, and he wanted advice.

((I've already stepped back from the situation. But it's still weighing on me, and I need to vent. Buckle up, because including me, there's 6 people involved.))

When we met, he had a nesting partner of 18 years (A) and a boyfriend (B) of 3 years.

A A is M's first same-sex partner. They started dating right after M came out, A lost all interest in sex. After M negotiated an open relationship, A funds his interest in sex, but not with M.

A was going through a psychotic break when we meet. He doesn't have a serious job, he got fired from his last job for stealing, he racked up a ton of parking tickets he kept a secret from M until his car got towed. He slut shames M. He has shown up to B's house and made M's car alarm go off from 1-3am before. He has tried to assault M. M does not feel safe in his own home with A. They are currently broken up, but A believes it's temporary, and is not respecting the boundaries set.

B I clocked the boyfriend (B) as a narcissist immediately; he's a divorced, closeted father of 3 with a high paying job in finance. He surprises M with day trips to Disneyland (flying across the country for a one-night trip) despite complaining about having to pay two mortgages. He expresses sadness as anger. They break up 1-2 times a month.

A and B started dating behind M's back. And when things seemed to be working, they suggested a triad. M is relieved, thinking they won't be getting jealous anymore. Instead, B ghosts A, and M tries to force them to make up. A and B both start trying to convince M that the other one is the problem.

I tell M that he can't manage the relationship between A and B, and he needs to set his own boundaries.

M then tells me he has two OTHER connections where feelings are involved. One he describes as very promiscuous (C) and one who is monogamous (D).

C seems to be a relatively healthy guy. Circling back to this later.

D D is telling M to kick A out of their house so D can move in. D is asking for marriage despite only knowing M for a few months. D is angry M has multiple connections. D finds out who C is and initiates contact with him.

C recognizes D as somebody dating M. C inquires if this is correct, D lies and claims he doesn't know M. C and D hook up.

D now goes to M and brags that he banged C. He sends M screenshots of their conversations to prove it M asks C if this is true, and C outright lies to M and says it's not true. This is despite C having recognized D in the first place. M shoes D the screenshots, and C admits the truth.

C I was willing to chalk up C's lie as him thinking it was the truth. D had lied to C about knowing M. Even though C knew who D was, he never brought it up to M. But maybe it was a misunderstanding, I think. However, C has now started telling M that we are having sex.

I've never met C (of M's partners I've only met A). M asks me more than once if I did, seems to think I'm trying to hide it. I ask him why he thinks I'm lying when C has lied to him before, and he relents. Adding that C likes to "brat" and say things just to get him worked up.

Current state A and D are dating. They're not compatible, and clearly doing it to piss M off. D had gone no contact with M, but is dating his nesting partner.

•M hoped he and A can get back together one day •M has basically moved in with B, who doesn't like this because B is closeted. B tells M that 100% of the problems in his life are because of A. •M and C are on good terms, despite overt gaslighting. •M says he misses D, and hopes he will comr back to him

I'm trying to get myself through the stepping back process with some affirmations. I could use more. Here's what I've got.

•My having feelings with M objectively does not make him any more emotionally available than he is

•M is ridiculously overextended and has not proven able to set boundaries and maintain multiple relationships

•M seems to respond to when I'm upset more than when I'm happy. This explains why he seems to prioritize his disregulated partners over me, because I'm less desperate. I will not allow myself to become more desperate just so I can be a higher priority.

•M has expressed interest in joining a support group for abuse survivors. I'm not going to resume dating him unless he does so. He uses sex as a distraction from his core wounds, and if I keep having sex with him, I am enabling him.

Please feel free to pile on. I know I'm giving this guy way too much of my mental processing energy. My own nesting partners are tired of me needing to vent, and who could blame them? If you've got a helpful bit of advice or a kind-but-firm way of rephrasing any of my own mantras, bring it on.