I plan to talk to them soon, but I want to get some of this off my chest as I think about it. Sorry if it is disjointed. But I appreciate any perspective.

I have 3 partners, of 8, 5, and 1.5 years. I am long distance from 8 and 1.5 right now, but 8 will be joining me and 5 in our new location this fall. 1.5 and i live about 2 hours from each other by plane.

I'm feeling spread thin. 1.5 doesn't have other partners and is going through some life changes. I am feeling like their only confidant. Honestly, my recent move had a lot to do with me needing to take on some bigger responsibilities in my life and I'm working hard on that (my work, bio family, and health). I'm feeling sensitive to any sign that 1.5 doesn't understand or respect what I'm trying to do. Fact is, they miss me more than I miss them. Part of that is my avoidant attachment style vs their anxious style. Part of it also of course is I have another partner I'm living with now and a lot im working on that distracts me and keeps me focused on my day. Which tbh is what I want. My reaction to life changes right now is attempting to immerse myself in them as much as possible because I really need to succeed. I think they're trying to do the same thing in their life, but I am feeling the mismatch in our emotional states relating to these big changes.

They are more extroverted than me and just have a bigger appetite for excitement I think. I think I've allowed myself to be pressured sometimes by what they want to do with our time. My other 2 partners can, like me, be satisfied by spending time together in the house. We also go out but if we haven't managed to go out in a while, it is ok. 1.5 seems to me to often feel the need to go out and spend money/have a unique special occasion to relax. I feel like I'm struggling to keep up with their desire for special time. This week they told me on the phone that we hadn't had special time this week. They weren't blaming me, but it troubled them. From my perspective, we both had a lot of work this week and I'm coming to visit in person next week. So it wouldn't really occur to me to be troubled.

In general I am not feeling lonely. I'm sure them feeling lonely is influencing this.

I'll also say that I've been feeling some prickles of discomfort sometimes when we communicate. They'll make critical comments without thinking. Like if I have a stain on my clothes I can be pretty sure they'll mention it. Meanwhile idk I work hard to not make them or any partner feel criticized or self conscious.

My phone is shitting itself so I'll stop there. Thanks for listening