I'm looking for some guidance here. My girlfriend and I have been dabbling in enm for a couple years now. We have mostly played together, aside from a few occasions where she's been with another woman who was part of a couple that we were seeing. But recently she told me she's interested in fully opening the relationship.

Part of me feels like I should be excited about this new chapter in our relationship, but I can't help but feel anxious about the reality and complications of it all. A big issue in my mind is that there will be an inequality in it. I work as a firefighter and I live at the fire station three days at a time, and then come home for 4 days. That gives her three full consecutive days to act as a single woman while I'm at work. Then when I'm home for my 4 days off, I know I'll be expected to prioritize my time with her. So the way I imagine this going is I'll be lucky to get one day a week where I can date on my own.

Fomo has been an obstacle for me in the past, and I see this a whole obstacle course of fomo and inequality and sitting with tough emotions. I know I'm already disadvantaged being a straight man dating solo, who are stigmatized as abundant, needy, and creepy. And her being a bi woman dating solo is a literal unicorn. I struggle with the idea of her having so much free time to explore, where mine will be quite limited.

One boundary that comes to mind for me is to not bring other partners into our shared bed, unless were doing it together. I don't love the idea of other men having sex with my girlfriend in the house that I paid for while I'm at work. Plus, she rarely leaves overnight, so the stars would have to align for me to get the place to myself for the night AND have a date go well enough that it leads to more.

It feels controlling to try and tell her she can only date on certain days or to limit her in some way, so I'd rather not do that. But maybe it'd work? Like we each get 1 day a week to date other people? I don't know...

Has anyone else dealt with something like this? And what are some things we can do/boundaries we can set to help make things feel a little more balanced?