My wife and I, after discussing this for many years on/off, have decided to move forward with ENM (sexually only). We are both bisexual and she wants to explore with women whereas I want to explore with men. I find myself assuming our marriage won't survive this, even though I'm not really jealous because it's just sex. I'm more anxious about adjusting to this new lifestyle because I grew up in a conservative home and thought marriage was synonymous with physical monogamy. I find myself getting very anxious thinking about exploring ENM while I'm simultaneously excited; I'm really just all over the place. One minute I get really excited for both myself and my partner, the next I'm very upset and anxious because I tell myself this isn't what marriage is "supposed" to be and this isn't what I agreed to when we get married. Yet I think it naturally does make sense for us. I don't like change and am having a hard time adjusting. Plus, we agreed to do things separately- we think we'd get jealous seeing each other have sex with someone else and we want different genders in bed. I don't have any friends who practice this and I just feel a lot of shame, anxiety a huge mixture of contradictory emotions to the point where I can't eat or sleep. Does anyone have any advice on how to navigate this? I've talked to my partner and therapist about this a lot, I've journaled, but I Just have a ton of conflicting feelings about the whole thing. A part of me wants to pull the plug on it but then I also get so excited thinking about it, and we have been talking about doing this for all of our relationship (9 years) and think it's time. I know this post is all over the place and quite possibly hard to follow, but if anyone has any advice it'd be much appreciated!!