TL;DR: My boyfriend of 4 years brought up the idea of "sharing me" with another man, saying it’s a fantasy he wants to explore and thinks it could bring us closer. Our sex life hasn’t been great, and I’m torn between curiosity and fear of how it might affect our relationship. Looking for advice or experiences from anyone who’s been in a similar situation.

We've been together for about four years now. We’re solid in most ways—he’s kind, supportive, and honestly my best friend. But recently, he brought something up that completely threw me.

So, here’s the deal: our sex life hasn’t been great for a while. It’s not bad, but it’s definitely not what it used to be. We’ve fallen into this routine where it feels more like a habit than something exciting or passionate. We’ve talked about it here and there, but nothing really changed. I thought we were just going through a phase.

A couple of weeks ago, out of nowhere, he sat me down and told me he wanted to share something that had been on his mind for a while. He said he’s been thinking about the idea of “sharing me” with someone else. At first, I didn’t even know what he meant. Was he talking about a threesome? An open relationship? Swinging? He explained that what he meant was more specific: he finds the idea of me being with another man exciting. He called it a fantasy but said he’d like to explore it for real.

I was stunned. I had no idea this was even on his radar. When I asked why, he said it’s not about dissatisfaction or wanting someone else. He said it’s about trust, intimacy, and shaking things up in a way that could bring us closer. He used words like “beautiful” and “vulnerable,” which felt so strange to hear in this context.

He was super clear that he doesn’t want to pressure me and that it would only happen if I’m completely on board. He emphasized that my comfort and consent are the most important things to him. But now I feel like the ball is in my court to decide something huge, and I don’t even know where to start.

Here’s the thing—I’m curious. I’ve read stories about couples doing stuff like this, and some say it brought them closer. I can kind of understand the appeal of doing something so outside the box that it shakes up the status quo. But I’m also scared. What if this changes the way we see each other? What if I agree and end up regretting it?

And then there are all the practical questions. Who would this other person be? A stranger? Someone we know? How do you even find someone for something like this? And during the actual experience, would I be able to relax and enjoy it, or would I be too in my head? I can’t stop thinking about how he’d feel watching me. Would he really be okay, or would it stir up jealousy or resentment?

I’m also worried about what it means for our relationship. Is this his way of trying to fix our lackluster sex life? Or has he always wanted this and just kept it to himself? I don’t think he’s bored or unhappy, but it’s hard not to let those thoughts creep in.

And what about after? How do you go back to normal? Would he see me differently? Would I see him differently? Would it change the way we connect? I love him, and I don’t want to do something that could risk what we have.

I told him I needed time to think, and he’s been respectful of that, but now I feel this invisible pressure to figure it out. I don’t even know where to begin sorting through my feelings.

So, I’m turning to Reddit. Has anyone been in a situation like this? How did you handle it? Did it strengthen your relationship, or did it cause more harm than good? If you decided not to do it, how did you navigate that conversation?

I’d really appreciate any advice or insight. I’m so conflicted, and I don’t want to make a decision I’ll regret either way. Thanks for reading this—I know it’s long, but I just needed to get it all out.