Husband and I (both 40s) have been together since teens, married for 20y.

During our own recent individual therapy journeys and within couples counselling we've gotten back our sex life and marriage. Discussions have been emotional and we both agreed to look into ENM.

We straight away had some matching boundaries and same concerns (we are Primary and Catching Feelings was #1 worry). The conversation hadn't gone anywhere in a few months until last week when He mentioned bi-curiosity. I thought we had agreed we'll research more, he heard it's OK and yday went from messaging an old friend with questions to downloading an app, creating a profile and arranging a meeting.

I (felt, justifiably imo) bamboozled and hurt. This morning before heading out He agreed to downgrading his meeting from potential to chat.

I rabbit holed in here and r/poly, once I stopped freaking out.

So this evening starting to talk all the basics through (after he acknowledged he rushed too far too fast) it turns out I am more open to the idea and He is not, at least not (imo) in a Fair way.

Reductive or succinct you decide but basically He wants to be able to go with guys, excluding himself from other women and not share me.

I feel it means he is not ready to fully discuss this and/or it's not for him, and be extension us.

But now I'm left awake at 3am thinking well maybe I do want to do this; it is correct to just stop considering until (an unspecified) later time right? The emotional maturity isn't there if he admits to Possessive feelings and jealousy? If there's a slight chance my change of mind is reactionary?

Tldr; If I've got terms right ... LTP wants to open previous mono to include Homo FWB, I think Im happy to explore/want Hetero ONS or He wants one way parallel poly where I want open relationship. This means not for us?