So for as long as I can remember, I (28, Bi woman) have been some degree of poly at heart. I believe there's a lot of beauty and uniqueness in people, and that love is not finite- plenty to go around. I've had love and appreciation for more than one person, and it hasn't made my love for either any less. I've also never believed in sex being taboo or a big deal. I have even been actually cheated on and honestly not bothered beyond "why didn't you tell me?" feelings. The offer of an open relationship has always been on the table, but never really interested any partners I've had.

Years later, my now husband (28, straight man) is starting to explore, and has been seeing this woman and doing a little hooking up. The hookups don't bother me at all, and instead, most of the time, I'm happy to hear about things, similar to hearing how your bestie's date went. What's been surprising to me are the feelings of insecurity that have sometimes been surfacing. Little things like when I see him texting her, and I can't help but wonder what they're texting about (even if it's normal stuff). Or when he tells me they went to the beach, and they sat together on the blanket (he never sits down with me at the beach, says it hurts his back/knees). Or hearing about how cool she is and knowing I'm just not particularly cool or interesting like that.

I know this is the very uniqueness I love about people, and that we're two different women with different things that make us who we are. I also love that he gets to start fresh with her, unhindered by the expectation of who he should or used to be, free from his "normal" life. But the newness and the novelty of getting to know someone feels like something I can't offer, and there are times where I just feel really aware that I'm just the "comfortable" one. I also wonder, now that they're continuing to see each other, and "seeing where this takes them," I wonder where it will go for them. Will he basically just have another girlfriend? As the "comfortable" one, I can't help but feel like I get what's left over, even though I don't believe that affection is finite.

We have talked about these things, and my husband has been wonderfully reassuring and loving to me in the process, and I have no true suspicions that he's unsatisfied with me in any significant way. There's nothing more for him to really say. He's already said all the right things. I really don't want him to stop seeing her by any means, but the transition from "in theory" to "in practice" has just felt less smooth than I was anticipating, and I wonder if this is something that just takes getting used to? Why am I like this?