Hey lovely people, bit of an odd one to ask you all about.

I (27M) and my partner (27F) have a very specific ENM arrangement. She's bisexual/vastly more into women than men. So she pursues one-off encounters and casual hookups with women. For my part, my involvement tends to be contingent on where she's at. It works for us, and is an ever-evolving situation.

Last night, we went to a club for my birthday with some friends. A friend-of-a-friend tagged along (27F). She's been in our circles for a while and my partner knows I have a crush on her, and has always thought it was very sweet. Last night this friend (I'll call her L) was hitting on my partner. My partner checked in with me as always and I gave her the green light to do what she wanted. They spent most of the rest of the evening making out.

I said fairly early on in this situation that she should let her know I was into her as well. L then took us outside and gave us a very healthy and clear run-down of where she was at, she didn't want a threesome but wanted to check we were both happy with it going no further for now at least.

This is where it gets hard because there were no actual issues. I might well be overthinking things. Her and my partner snogged a lot, me and her had a snog as well. She explicitly said she was into it, I felt that she was more interested in my partner than me but that's fine, I also think the same-gender dynamic plays into that, as does her dealing with a couple both being into her.

But it just felt like there was something off. She seemed to be holding back on saying something, despite us letting her know all options were chill. I also felt like maybe she was behaving with a small amount of sympathy with me.

Everyone in this situation is lovely and I'm not here to attack anyone, I guess I just want to ask if anyone has any reflections from similar things happening to them. Quite a large part of me is just trying to think: 'she's an autonomous person, she didn't have to kiss you and she did so don't read into it'. Perhaps this is the right thing to do? Not read into small moments of drunken misunderstanding and just take someone at their word?

Any advice people have for feeling like the low-key spare part when it might just all be in your head would be much appreciated.

Also it being my bday last night I'm now very hungover so if you have an issue with anything I've said treat me kindly haha x

Thanks a lot!