Being in an ENM relationship has really brought into focus just how important constant communication is in our relationship. We are always making sure to check in with each other and reconnect. We've been able to explore things that we didn't even know we would be into. Due to the ENM part of our relationship, we have connected with each other on a deeper level.

Opening up a marriage, like you have done, is particularly hard in the beginning. You might need to grieve the death of the relationship that was to welcome the new relationship being built in its place.

You are also at a point where your brain has to relearn a lot of stuff, both how things have been done in your marriage and assumptions we are surrounded by out in society. It will take some time before old beliefs let go and your new belief system sets in. One way to help this process is to surround yourself in some of the ENM content out there so your brain gets used to seeing other ways of doing things.

It’s hard to fully grasp how much emotional work might be required before opening up, but that’s also where you’ll grow as a person and a couple. And it does get easier with time.

I struggled quite a bit in the beginning, but like you I also wanted it, so I persevered, and I have grown so much since then. And so has our relationship. Turning ENM after 20 years of marriage has rejuvenated our relationship. We have the hots for each other again, we are loving on each other all the time, we communicate better and have learnt to regulate our emotions better (and when we still struggle to regulate, we have learnt to sit with them and know they will pass). We are, in short, in a much stronger place than when we opened up. But we also had a very strong relationship before doing so. ENM isn’t fixing anything, but it can be a growth opportunity.