It’s a rant. There are too many to really get into, but my issue at the moment is the “Don’t Ask” portion.

She gets to have all the MFM/MMF threesomes with me she wants (she wants me there, I love it.) She can do solo stuff if she wants. I am 100% compersive and love seeing her happy. However, for my solo stuff, it’s DADT, which is her preference. I’d prefer to have open communication but this is what it is.

So, if I (44M) go out to our local favorite bar and she (47F) decides to stay at home and sleep, which is a typical OK situation, and the bar closes at 2a, and the barkeep lets me stay after closing time because it’s our favorite bar, I’m extra on-call sleeper security for the place, and we tip well, and I come home at 2:45a, she shouldn’t freak out and ask where I was and who I was with for the 45 minutes after closing time, right? (I was literally just hanging out at the bar finishing a beer and shooting the shit with the other regulars.)

The implication and the gall to ask is what’s got be upset. If I don’t get to tell, she doesn’t get to ask. That’s what it means right? This part of it is so frustrating. It doesn’t feel good, but I can manage the “Don’t tell” part. However, It always feels like I am doing something wrong even though these are the ROE we mutually agreed upon. It is a burden she doesn’t have to carry. That sucks.

For potential ENM folks, NEVER agree to a DADT policy. Be open with each other and lean into your insecurities and doubts. Talk about it. Be OPEN. Otherwise, it could be a shitshow.