I (41F) have been dating a married man in an ENM relationship with his wife for about 8 months. I bonded with this person because we have such great communication when we are apart, he’s so present when we’re together, and we do a good mix of sexual and non sexual activities together. Through all this we built up a lot of trust and I ended up having an amazing FWB/kink connection with him. One of the biggest gifts this guy has given me is the feeling that he’s not going to disappear on me. It’s a big wound of mine since I was dumped by the guy I was dating last year - long story short: after 6 months of dating and telling me he loves me he screamed at me and walked out of my life and never spoke to me again.

Fast forward to now, the ENM guy I’m dating suddenly tells me his wife doesn’t want him texting with me during his Thanksgiving trip to another state. (We text every day and this is something he initiated.) He had alluded to things not going well with his wife a few weeks earlier- I asked if he wanted to talk about it and he said something like “sometimes it helps to talk about it sometimes I prefer to not talk about it.” He didn’t bring it up and I didn’t ask again. I don’t really know what’s going on and I don’t know if I want to know. I do know that we’re both adults and our texting would not have inhibited either of our abilities to be present at a holiday with family.

So now I feel like shit. Turned off like a faucet for someone else’s convenience and not treated like a human. I’m terrified that when I hear back from the guy after he gets home from the holidays he’s going to dump me. I recognize he may not know he is activating this wound I have… but he is the type of person to tell me if he has a rule around how we communicate during holidays. I’m pretty sure what’s going on between him and his wife is more about them than me but I just feel really sad and caught up in a situation I don’t know how to navigate.

I could use some advice on how to talk to him about this after he starts talking to me again. I don’t find this acceptable behavior for me because suddenly all this trust I had with him feels very precarious. I’m trying not to overreact because it’s one incident in 8 months of otherwise amazing times. Aside from telling him about my needs around communication and trust… should I ask about what is going on in his relationship? I have a hard time wanting to know details of what’s going on with him and his wife because it does make me feel lonely and jealous.