So I’ve been mulling this over for a while and doing research. I just haven’t seen anyone talk about the position that I am in and how to start this new way of life. I’m excited, turned on, scared, intrigued, confused, and have learned a whole new vocabulary.

My wife (of 12 years) and I haven’t played together with each other in over a year. We have been monogamous to this point. I never pushed anything but would try to tease her into being turned only to be turned away, which is fine, a bit frustrating but fine. Finally one night she had enough of my attempts and was truthful with me about why she never got aroused anymore. She voiced that she was Aceleaning and would probably never have sexual encounters ever again or very very rarely. I was like so I’m in a sexless marriage how do I deal with this. My wife could see that I was struggling. Finally I realized that I need to feel desired physically as well mentally.

I talked to her about it and we discussed and landed on polyamory/ENM would be something I should look into. I didn’t understand at first as it’s a whole new concept and thought it meant getting involved with swinging. She clarified very much that any type of physical touch makes her I’ll (later to understand it’s coming from some PTSD from a nine month experience) and with swinging you usually need someone to that you swing with and she would never be able to provided that.

So began my research, pod cast listening (shout out to Normalizing Non-monogamy because it’s been the most relatable so far) and I’ve downloaded some apps and feeld is nice but OkCupid is the only one where I can select ENM. The paywalls are atrocious. Mostly everyone that comes up is 60 miles away which to me doesn’t make it practical or cost efficient. It just seems too hard to find anyone to talk to assist with essential activating this lifestyle change. I can’t seem to find anyone or thing about having an asexual leaning wife and what I can find is that swingers don’t like solos, it is still hard for me to wrap my head around the concept of a unicorn.

I ended up telling my best friend who’s going to do the classic bar hopping and just being open and candid, yeah. I’ve tried finding my local city clubhouse but all I find is yeah it exists but we aren’t going to provide a way to get the password. I wouldn’t want to play there but experience and talk to people with just general conversation. Heard the term meet and greets but again still can’t find info on where and when.

Are there any mentors? Or can someone point me in a direction? I am trying to take it slow.

Also I am neurospicy so I apologize for structure and possibly cold terminology.

TL:DR Are there resources that can help someone who wants to engage in solo ENM but can find a place to start beyond research and talking g with spouse.