I’ve told my partner numerous times I’m not comfortable with us seeing people individually. I don’t know how much clearer I can be. I am not interested in us having multiple partners and he said that was fine.

Last year, he went out and met women twice (that I know of) and lied to me. I found out and he assured me it was a “mistake” blah blah blah. Then earlier this year, it was two guys from Grindr. He said guys don’t count because he would never leave me for a man. I have tried so hard to just forgive him and move on, but anytime I have to go away or be out of the house for an extended time period, I get really anxious. I have just struggled to get to the same trust level I once had. I felt like I was finally getting there.

I’m going to a conference from Wednesday to Friday. Saturday, he asked me if I’d be back Friday night. I said I’d be back by then and he said it was because he wanted to go to some event. In that same conversation, I asked him if he had plans to do something “dumb” again and make another “mistake”

He assured me he wouldn’t do that. He only asked when I’d be back because of the event and needing to make sure kids were covered for drop off/ pick up.

We went to a swingers party Saturday and took a woman with us that he had been chatting with. I had met her the night before and she seemed nice enough. On the way to the party (hour drive), he was giving her lots of attention and then did the same at the party. I was upset because I felt unimportant. Our mutual friends at the party even noticed his attention and sent me a message to ask if I was okay because they felt he was being inappropriate. Also, during the party, our mutual friend congratulated us because we found out we’re expecting and this girl definitely had a weird reaction - “oh that’s cool I guess” and it gave off the “oh I was hoping for something more with him than friends with benefits” vibe but whatever. He got mad at me because he said I was “being rude” because I didn’t talk to her much. He doesn’t care if I was upset and I should just deal with it because of course he’d show her more attention - he was trying to make her comfortable.

After Saturday’s issue with this woman and his problem with showing her way more attention, I found myself on edge again. He won’t acknowledge he was wrong in the slightest, instead it’s all my fault, I was rude, etc, and I should want him to be nice to “our guest”.

So I just saw messages that they plan to get together while I’m out of town Thursday. He lied to me and I’m so incredibly hurt. My stomach is tight and some light cramps even, and I’m so, so sad.

What do I even do? I don’t even know if I want this baby anymore. I can’t keep being hurt when I feel like I give him everything he could ever want. I just feel so lost and sad 😞