My partner and I agreed I should see the person he’s interested in pursuing beforehand. Earlier this year I caught him flirt texting a coworker. I was upset that he didn’t tell me and I didn’t get to see her beforehand but now my insecurity is peaking and I’m too scared to see her. They had been messaging ona md off for a couple months. At any point which he could have told me. The whole situation with her has soured for me. I want to tell him I’m uncomfortable with him pursuing her further and I’d be much more comfortable meeting people on fetlife or something which is what I’m trying to do and like we agreed to do.

I’m nervous to bring this up because this is his first other person and I don’t want it to seem like I’m shutting down his first attempt because I’m scared. I’m just unomfortable because I set a boundary and standards and he didn’t respect those. I understand it’s awkward talking about it and it can be hard to know the EXACT moment to come out to me but I am at least owed what we agreed on right? I just need courage today. I trusted him to tell me and he didn’t. So now I struggle to trust he will tell me once they move onto the next step.

I realize that me needing to see them beforehand is because of my own insecurity but I find when I look at someone and say “am I ok with them banging?” The answer is always yes. But when it’s a mysterious person I can’t even picture in my head my imagination runs wild. I know I need to work on that. But this is what we agreed upon for now and I feel the need to reiterate and explain myself so next time he knows that he needs to tell me right away.