Hey so me and my partner are trying ethical non monogamy and so far we have been successful at finding people to hook up with, but it kinda feels like we are focusing to much on finding other people and not focusing enough on eachother. Yesterday my partner told me it felt like i was on my phone too much and that it was making her feel like she wasn't good enough. In the past when we tried ENM i got jealous and i felt like i wasn't good enough because, at the time she was more successful in finding hook ups and i was far to anxious to do it more than once or twice. I think i just got too excited to do stuff with other people and i was kind of trying to fuck as many people as i could. When she told me she wasn't feeling good about how much i was doing stuff with other people it made me feel awful, it made me remember how i felt before and i felt like such a horrible person, i didn't think about how she might be feeling. When we agreed to try ENM again i wanted us to give eachother rules, like when are we able to go do stuff, how we are able to do stuff and how many people we can do stuff with; she didnt feel the need to give me any rules other than like rules for safety so i technically didn't do anything wrong ig. It still made me feel awful. So we are going to reassess how we want stuff to happen.

Basically im just looking for advice or if anyone has any suggestions.

EDIT- We are just hooking up with other people we arent looking to date other people. The reason we want to do ENM is because we have different needs that we cant always provide for eachother so we want to have sex with other people that can do those other things. We are an incredibly queer couple. We are HUGE fags.