I (19m) feel like this kind of often,

I have been with a few older women in the past, all of them casual, and I go into it saying that I mostly just want to be friends, and they agree to that as well,

It is just a bit saddening to wake up and find I've been ghosted or blocked, or that we used to talk every day and now we barely talk in a week.

I have a chronic fear of being replaced. I feel like if a person and I ever stop talking, it's my fault.

I feel like I'm just meant to be used up or around until I'm not needed anymore.

I am impossible for anyone to love in any kind of meaningful way, and I don't have any value outside of what I can do for people.

I wasn't kind enough, I didn't buy them enough, I didn't do enough for them,

I was not enough.

This isn't a complaint about anyone really, I'm not trying to go on a pseudo-incel rant.

It's just painful because I was abused and groomed by an older woman in the past, so it feels like there's this subconscious need to constantly make sure they're interested in me and that I'm "being good enough" or else they'll leave me or abuse me.

And I don't have expectations of anything serious, it just sucks to still agree to be friends and inevitably just stop talking. It makes me feel like I wasn't even good enough as a friend to keep around.

This is nothing in particular, I just felt sad. I feel like I'm just a toy sometimes, both from the abuse and from some somewhat recent stuff that's happened.