We dated for seven months and fell completely in love because we were so similar. She felt so different than anyone else had but I couldn't tell her. I never was able to mutter "I really like you" let alone say "I deeply love you". Hell, I couldn't feel that I deeply loved her because I was a frozen, dissociated and regressed scared eight year old boy trying to understand adult things. My scared 8 year old self pushed her away because he believed his problems were stopping her living her life. Realizing I lost the love of my life has been so painful that wish this upon nobody.

Current day I'm trying to physically find her to tell her but I cannot find her. I believe I deeply hurt her and she's now fucked up over it. It was an accident but she doesn't know it. I'm sending healing vibes to anyone who reads this. You are not your CPTSD.