34M, 6’0”, SW: 265, CW: 244, GW: 180

I know this is my own brain being really messed up but just hoping someone else who has gone through this can provide insight. I’m already budgeting several hundred calories below my TDEE daily, but I can’t get past a mental block that the calorie budget number is the ‘max’ and I should be targeting several hundred calories underneath that amount to feel like I’m actually in a deficit. This results in either a lot of guilt if I eat to my full daily budget or even close to it or eating well under it and spending my entire day thinking about food and what I can “allow” myself to eat for dinner.

Maybe this is just a straight up ED, I don’t know. I’m still able to do CICO and I’m seeing some results since starting July 1, but it just feels really bad and I don’t know how to stop constantly thinking about food, either because it feels like too much or probably because it’s too little.

Can anyone who has dealt with this give any tips on training your brain to accept CICO?