Posting this here because it came up from a great conversation I had with a long-term girlfriend/fairly new sub of mine. What's the difference, to you, between humiliation play and degradation play?

These two terms are often used synonymously, or right next to each other, but for me as a domme they're two different ideas pulling in two contradictory directions. (I'm gonna stop saying "to me" or "for me" from now on- all that follows is subjective)

Humiliation play relies on shame. It's about using shame to excite the sub, via humiliating acts or words that empower the domme. It's also often about mocking the sub for becoming excited by the shame, in a delicious feedback loop! Humiliation play relies on an inherent dignity in the human form, which is being debased and demeaned by the cruel actions of the domme in the scene- there's a mocking cruelty to it, a recognition that you should, by recognition of your inherent worth and my affection for you, be treated well, but instead I'm going to treat you in these deliberately bad ways. Examples of humiliation play would be spitting on a sub, or talking to them about how they're pathetic or disgusting or worthless. If you beat someone in humiliation play, it would be to make them feel like you thought they were worthless.

Degradation play, on the other hand, relies on dehumanization. It's about using the sub to please the domme, via acts that please the domme. The sub's feelings don't get taken into account (and of course, for subs into this, that enormously excites the sub, but deliberately causing the excitement is not part of the play). There's no mocking needed in degradation- you can recognize a good submissive's uses and the fact they're well fitted to these rough uses, but there's no obligation to. Beatings or pain are either entirely corrective- negative reinforcement to stop doing it wrong- or for the pleasure of a sadistic domme who does not need a fabricated reason to enjoy the pain of the sub. Examples of degradation play would be using someone's body as a masturbation aid, or having them hold up a book for you to read.

I find these two types of play to be at cross purposes to one another! It's hard for me to switch gears from calling someone disgusting names, in which my pleasure would be all about seeing that shame roll across their face, to using them as nothing but a tool for my pleasure, in which case I would be actively disengaging from their emotional reaction as important to me. I don't think they're opposed- I think then, somehow, it would be easier to switch from one kind of play to the other. I just don't think they have a common goal at all!

My opposite of humiliation would be spoiling; treating a partner as though they were precious and wonderful and trying to fulfil all the needs they have they don't understand. Still controlling, still focussed on the partner's emotional reactions, but now focused on positive acts and the thrill of delight, than negative acts and shame.

My opposite of degradation would be worship; treating a sub as though they were something higher and above, to be treated with respect and care, but still not treating them as something other than a person. In worship, the target of one's actions is an ideal; in degradation, a thing. Still controlling, still focussed on one's own needs and wants and not your partners.

Let me know what you think! DO you use the two terms interchangeably? Does seeing them described as not just different, but contradictory, make any sense to you? Let me know! This discussion led my partner and I to a great place (both interested in degradation play like whoa, I'm interested in humiliation play but she's not so shelve that for now) and means that we're not getting our chocolate in our peanut butter so much any more. Have a good one!