Hello all! I have made a few personals posts on my profile explaining what I’m into and what I’m looking for. One of the kinks I listed was TPE. Someone left a comment on one of these posts asking me to tell them what I think the definition of TPE is to which I happily told them. This is an exact quote of the comment which I gave them. My knowledge and opinions are based off of my learning within the community and the general census of the community that I have gathered around this kink. Here is my exact quote:

“(They asked I do not cheat by looking up a definition) Not cheating or looking it up. TPE is not bound to any specific definition or meaning. TPE is on the further side of the spectrum in kink and it is not to be taken lightly. This kink first of all needs established trust and you need to care for another. That person is going to entrust you to make decisions for them, some maybe even all decisions in their life. This is an extreme responsibility and you HAVE to take everything that’s going on with them, you, what’s around them. Everything (into consideration). Before you even make the smallest of decisions for them. It’s really what you make it (people have limits and some do not want certain aspects of their lives controlled so that’s why I say that. This leaning into PPE), but generally involves a large amount of power exchange. I know this and I am confidently able to take on this massive responsibility.”

I also stated that this was a very general definition that I can think of and that it is a lot more complicated than just this. I was then told that I have the definition of TPE completely wrong and that I would be given a link to a post defining the “proper” way/definition of TPE.

Looking at this on face value, I was interested and am obligated to see what this is about because the last thing I ever want to do in the dominant position is to spread any misinformation about kink or possibly worse because of the possible misunderstanding of a kink. I was sent the link and I have read through the post. Here is the link to that post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/bdsmIRLpersonals/comments/es27vr/i_read_an_ad_from_a_newbie_sub_first_listing_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

What concerns me so much regarding this is not the belief that TPE is what it says. A total power exchange. What really concerns me is that the person who responded to my post (OP of the above attached post) has stated and quoted from sources that he has put into his comments on this post the following thing regarding TPE and consent/limits.

These are excerpts of comments and quotes from websites and books/blogs that he has read and quoted. Some of these may be their un quoted from an outside source opinion. I encourage you to go to the post and read everything including the comments that he has posted to get the full understanding.

Here are the comments that concerned me the most regarding this idea of “true APE/TPE”:

“That is where one of the main differences with all other forms of BDSM is: concepts like safewords and negotiation are NOT in the TPE- vocabulary.”

“TPE is probably the most important one for everybody to understand because once it is given, the sub has become a slave and any Dom, Domme, Master or Mistress that misrepresents what this or APE mean are doing everyone a disservice and, while I may be wrong, I believe those that do (or at least the maioritv of them) are doing it on purpose.”

“According to AngelFire and wipipedia, Davis coined the term TPE while he was debating Jon Jacobs who preferred the term "APE" or Absolute Power Exchange which is exactly the same thing. It would appear that Davis was more flexible in what qualified as submission in general while including TE as the ultimate form. AS Jacobs, who co-authored "Different Loving: An Exploration of the World of Sexual Dominance and Submission" once said as part of a speach: "When you "submit" to or "dominate" someone in a situation where safe words are used and when limitations are negotiated, you are not actually submitting or dominating at all - you are playing at it.”

“In a TPE relationship the slave's limits are not set by her, they are set by her master. Think about that for a minute. A slave has no limits. Her limits are whatever her Master desires. A slave's master has total control over her. A slave doesn't have the luxury to set her own hard and soft limits, a slave's limits are set by her master. Again, a slave's limits are whatever her Master desires. A safe word is not afforded to a slave."

It should be noted that in the following quote, some reference to the acknowledgement of possibly abuse was made.

“And what I hope is a my final post of expert opinions on the this topic barring questions, a precise look at abuse in a TPE; This important take comes from KinkAbuse.com and, giving credit where it belongs it, was written by@[email protected] who wrote nuerous articles for kink101.com and other sites. “So, if we cannot find a clear definition standard applicable, acceptable and adoptable to everyone practicing Absolute and Total Power Exchange, by way of defining abuse, we must now look at what abuse is not: As we all should agree that a slave is her Masters property, and has no rights other then the privileges granted by her Master, and the slave consents, surrenders and submits completely, voluntary and unconditional when accepting her Masters collar, then a Master may do with his slave as he alone sees fit, according to his wants and needs, as well as his values, principles and beliefs. The Master has the final decision in all matters and issues within this power structure. Once a slave has accepted her Masters collar and consented to be his total and unconditional slave, no further consent is needed or required."

Here is the final notable quote

“The definitions of BDSM terminology is especially important for the bottom to understand so they are not agreeing to something they do not mean to agree to. Furthermore, educating inexperienced subs about what these terms mean should be a primary goal for any non-predatory Top that is looking to teach them about this world. For example. I am sure nobody would say it is OK for CNC to mean whatever you want it to mean. Consensual Non-Consensual is a fancy way of saying "play rape" but if CNC can mean whatever anyone wants it to, that first Consensual doesn't really matter anymore and real rape becomes acceptable. This is something absolutely no non- predatory Top would condone. Unfortunately, the PREDATORS that have become the norm on every single BDSM site you can possibly think of, don't have that same moral code regarding what submission is. By perverting the meanings of the definitions of standard BDSM terminology, these predators damage inexperienced subs on a regular basis and in many cases that damage (physical, emotional or mental) is permanent.”

While there was some effort and concern placed on the possible abuse or “misinformation” on new or uneducated practices or BDSM, my primary issue is with the idea that TPE/APE is a lack of consent or negotiation or limits. Please please tell me what you think about this, I need to know the communities opinion and response about this. I personally do not see this as correct, but if it is please tell me.