Hi all,

I had a bit of a revelatory experience with my own kinks recently and I wanted to see if anyone else can identify with this sort of thing. I was writing a fantasy of mine, and it took a really, really dark turn unexpectedly. I am a sub, and the fantasy ended up with my partner kinkshaming me really harshly, telling me she hated me, was disappointed in me…all sorts of really heavy stuff. As an aside, it also had a forced bisexual element which was way more prominent than I expected, which kinda made me feel very weird too, to be honest. Being forced to do things with another guy whilst constantly being compared unfavourably to him…was very effective. I realised as I was writing it how harsh this stuff was, but how turned on I was becoming at the same time – a complete mindfuck really. So this got me thinking – my partner enjoys impact play, tieing, and many of the physical aspects of BDSM. But those never really brought me into the space I craved. There was pain, but the headspace wasn’t that submissive, as much as I really, really wanted it to be. I thought maybe I wasn’t a sub, but I still craved release, a loss of control and to be used. It just never worked in practice. Writing these really awful things was much more effective. So I’m curious about Emotional masochism, and how the mental is so much more important for me than the physical. I’m wondering if anyone else ever took a journey like this and how they incorporated it – stuff they did, things to watch out for ETC. I’m also just weirded out by it in general – I mean…being verbally abused like that surely must be due to some deep-seated trauma or…something right? Lol I obviously don’t want a partner who hates me…except when its really, really hot to be told that.

Any thoughts gratefully received