Hey everyone, I’ve seen some posts on here that are similar and I wanted to see if anyone has had any experience or advice for my situation. I’m an extremely kinky gay man who has been in a very serious and committed relationship with a vanilla gay man for 5 years now. We mesh well and complement each other so much in our relationship in all ways except kink. We even have great sex but it’s always vanilla.

I’ve tried pushing my kinks away and hiding from them for years to try and maintain this relationship but every time I try and push them away they just seem to come back. It’s pretty much the same situation as when I was struggling with the fact I’m gay, I like many others, tried to pray the gay away and it took years for me to accept it. Now I’m wondering the same about my kinkiness. I never really got to explore my fetishes because I have never had real life in person sessions, and this boyfriend is my first and only so I’ve never known anything different.

Both of us like the be monogamous but recently to let me explore my fetishes my boyfriend has suggested I find an online master to serve to try out my sub/dom traits. After only a few days of serving someone online, I’ve realized that kink is really something that I won’t be able to give up. I’ve been able to teach my boyfriend some kinky interests and he’s gotten into edging and ballbusting a bit but I have way more far reaching kinks that he just doesn’t understand.

I don’t want to break up, we are both hesitant about an open relationship, and I feel like I’m embarrassed to do kink on my own, by myself while he is around. Does anyone have any advice of how to navigate this relationship? Do I need to have more experience and become more comfortable with my own kinks? Do I have to be even more open about my interests? Or should I just give up hope of being kinky? Even though I’ve been in this community for years, I’ve never really made any real life connections, it’s always just been online and I feel like that may be holding me back.

Sorry for the long post but I hope someone has some advice for me! Thanks everyone!

TLDR: I’m super kinky, he’s not, but we’re monogamous and committed. Do I give up kink or keep trying?