Recently, I came across a post where the OP described being forced into humiliation play. Naturally, the topic of consent came up, and one user responded with this comment:

"If you want to know if this is ‘consensual humiliation,’ ask yourself if you liked it or not."

Frankly, I’m appalled at how many upvotes this received and the number of replies agreeing with it. While I understand the user was trying to help, this level of misinformation is harmful, and it’s concerning to see others here supporting it.

Consent is not the same as enjoyment.

Consent means all parties involved in an activity discuss and explicitly agree to it beforehand. For example:

Dom: “I’d like to explore my humiliation kink. I was thinking of insulting you while you give oral. Would you be comfortable with that?”
Sub: “I’m okay with most insults, but calling me worthless or gross is off-limits.”

Consent doesn’t mean trying a new kink and hoping your partner likes it. Even if things work out and everyone enjoys the experience, that approach is irresponsible. Proper discussions about boundaries and consensual play need to happen first.

On the other hand, not enjoying something doesn’t automatically mean it was non-consensual. For instance, someone might try a new kink, not use the safeword, and later decide they didn’t enjoy it. They might revoke consent for that activity in the future, but that doesn’t make the initial experience abusive or non-consensual.

Here’s another example: if I’m enjoying a scene but experience a low blood sugar episode, I’d need to safeword and stop the play. Enjoying the scene doesn’t override the need to pause for health reasons.

TL;DR: Consent and enjoyment are not the same. They’re distinct concepts, and understanding this distinction is crucial