Had my first physio session today after chatting to someone. New friend offered to do a session after noticing how tense I am. Part of the pain is being heavy chested (natural DD).

It was painful but as he guided me and told me to breath, the way he said : trust me that you can handle the pain and it will pass.

Absolutely amazing to let go and not worry. I couldn't stress over anything because I could only focus on the pain in the moment.

Was on cloud 9 after that! I'm seeing him again for round 2. Unfortunately can't be anything but professional but certainly made me realize how much I'd love a man to heal with pain and pleasure and not have to be on guard. My ex partner never paid attention to what he was doing so I'd often end up close to injury or injured so I stayed extra vanilla to avoid long term injuries.

(Eg when playing with a toy, he sat on me with his full 110kg weight, I think I broke a rib it was so painful.

During his first time doing anal, asked him to stay still and I'd move on to him as I adjusted. Grabbed my hips and started pumping)

Every massage, he'd massage me on the bone. I told him about 20 times not to. Finally just refused massages again.. he said his massages weren't the issue. I was just weak apparently.

I'd ask him when he orgasmed to not continue fucking me (he would cum quickly). He thought I wouldn't notice and did it several times. I absolutely hated the feeling of a soft cock squishing inside me, felt repulsive. Yet he did this so many times because.... he'd hoped I'd orgasm from it? That I would notice?

Anyway, that is in the past.

Today showed me how much I enjoyed trusting someone else. I hope I find someone I can fully trust to take care of me sexually and I can enjoy and reciprocate without worrying and being guarded.

:)