When I first started researching kink, I felt like I had finally found somewhere where sex wasn’t expected. All the articles I read and videos I watched told me that I would be accepted as ace here, that sex isn’t even a primary focus for many people. And then I started actually trying to enter the scene.

If my sexuality comes up in casual conversation, maybe 1 in 4 people ask me something along the lines of, “Well, what are you even doing here?” or try to convince me that I just haven’t met the right person (them) yet. It’s very tiring to try to stay polite and help people understand only to be laughed off in the end.

Asexual people in BDSM: How do you deal with it? I imagine some of you have been in the scene for a very long time. What are good ways to navigate these types of conversations? I worry about angering the wrong person and being estranged from the community or harmed. Is it better to just avoid certain spaces and be more insular? Are there certain types of play where those involved are less prone to take offense to asexuality?