Being a submissive man is… complicated. And not for the reasons people might think. My appearance seems to be my biggest obstacle. I’m tall, fit, and have a masculine look – and that leads to endless misunderstandings.

In everyday life, and especially in dating, I experience the same thing over and over: Women look at me and immediately expect a dominant man, someone who always takes charge and makes all the decisions. They’re excited about the “alpha” type – the guy who’s always in control and never second-guesses himself. And then, I disappoint them.

Why? Because that’s just not me. I thrive when I can let go of control. I find joy in following the lead of a strong, confident woman. That doesn’t make me weak – far from it. I’m successful, self-assured, and fully capable of standing my ground. But in a relationship, I’m looking for balance: I want to be with a woman who embraces dominance, knows exactly what she wants, and loves taking charge.

The problem? Women who are dominant often think I’m not the right fit for them because my appearance doesn’t match their expectations. And women who are looking for a dominant man are disappointed when they realize I’m submissive.

I often wonder: Is it even possible to find a relationship where I can be me? Or will I always have to explain myself and clear up these misunderstandings?

To all the strong, dominant women out there: Is there anyone who gets this? Who might be interested in a man who looks strong on the outside but truly desires a woman who’s even stronger?

I’d love to hear your thoughts – or if anyone else has experienced something.