Hello BDSM Community,

This isn't kink related, but I feel like this may be a great forum to discuss dominance in a relationship. I am going to do my best to prevent this from being a rant. This may be a little long winded, but I am genuinely looking for some insight and help -

I have been with my wife for 12 years, married for 7. My wife is dominant. She makes a majority of the decisions in our relationship. There are moments that she asks my opinion, and more often than not we still go with her thoughts/choice.

• When we go out with friends or family, she often attempts to pay for everything to the point that it has made others uncomfortable. She will (I don't want to say argue, because that may be too far) but passionately discuss why we should be paying for whatever it is.
• If we have a shared meal (fries, ice cream, w/e) she refuses to eat the last bite. Even if I have eaten a ginormous meal, way more than she has and I am stuffed, she will still "please finish this. I just cant, and we shouldn't waste food."
• Choosing movies - she might say "you choose, IDC," but unless it is actually what she wants to watch, I will hear about it until she is happy with the selection. In these situations, I often choose a movie that I know she likes. It's not that I am taking advantage when she gives me the reins to find the goriest, most violent movie that has been released.
• We both have small laptops that are past their prime. Recently, she has started learning and working with movie / photo editing, and her computer is DYING from the effort. We have the money to buy new computers - but because mine is 'older' she will NOT let me buy her a replacement first. Even though she is the one with hobbies and a heavier workload, she won't let me replace hers first - to the point of being genuinely angry. Despite any logical argument I make, for instance - the tasks I am performing have been okay on my laptop. My computer is not struggling with the tasks that I regularly perform, but hers IS.

There are other examples, but they all fall within this type of concept. I know that she doesn't see herself as dominant, because I have tried talking with her about it only to have her 'passionately' shoot it down. I believe that in her eyes, she sees herself as being supportive, helpful, giving, etc.... but it really is boiling down to HER choice. HER decisions. Even if it is me eating the last bite... it was because SHE wanted me to and put me in an uncomfortable position to deny eating it.

When she cooks or bakes, even when she says "I won't need any help, I have it under control" there are constant "would you do me a favor and get..." or "It would be super lovely if you would.." and it will be menial tasks. Grabbing something out of the fridge, and it's right next to her. Get a dish out of the cupboard that is also within her reach. It's a dance that I recognize is happening, but she refuses to see it.

Now, I actually have no issue playing second fiddle. I don't have a problem being dominant either. I read situations, and will go with the flow. If there is a task (even outside of the two of us) that requires someone to take charge, got it. No problem. I will make decisions and own the consequences, right or wrong, good or bad. If there is someone that has taken charge (for better or worse), I can back that person up and help get things done - as long as it isn't going to lead to damage, unlawful, etc. Often times, if it will cause more problems to 'challenge' someone for the director seat, and if it will be more distracting than helpful, I will play support.

My issue is.... that she refuses to see the role she has taken. She won't acknowledge that her actions, phrasing, etc is dominant in concept.

Recently, she has actually mentioned that she is 'tired' of making all the decisions - and I get that. But, when I do make decisions, with as much thought as I can give to how whatever it is (big or small) is going to affect the both of us, she FIGHTS with me about it if it isn't the result that she thought was going to happen. I often don't care enough to argue about whatever it is. "Which Christmas market do you want to go to?" I choose A. "Aww but A is this that or the other thing. B is so much better..." Okay, lets go with B. Now I have become wishy-washy, or 'easily swayed.'

Is it that she wants the fight? Do I need to go total caveman and start bonking her over the head with a club and drag her where I want to go? I have no tolerance for arguing about menial things. If it is important, I will hold my ground until we have come to a mutual decision, but that isn't the type of energy expenditure that is necessary for "which movie do you want to watch tonight?" Am I completely off base, and erroneous with how I am seeing our relationship?

I am hoping that some of you have made it this far, and can give me some thoughts. I welcome any helpful tips - ways that I can adapt, grow, change. If I am wrong in my view, I will support any constructive advice or tips that may help me grow. If I am correct in my assessment, I would appreciate anyone who can help me, help her realize how her actions come across.

Thanks in advance.