I know for years that I'm kinky. I mostly have domination and sadism fantasies, though from time to time I get turned on by the idea of being the one dominated. I'm thinking about connecting with local kink groups and ultimately going to play parties and attending workshops. But there are two problems that give me a pause.

I'm a virgin. Hanging out with people who are into "extreme sports" niche of sex seems a bit weird for someone in my position who hasn't even passed the basics. And I'm a virgin because I used to very shy and anxious growing up, and I still am but to a much lesser degree. I worry my personality wouldn't fit well with that environment. Are there any people who are like me in the scene?

Second, I'm not exactly certain things done at play parties are what I'm into. From searching around this sub, most of the BDSM done at play parties is non-sexual: mostly impact play and bondage. I'm uncomfortable with harder impact play that leaves marks as I'm paranoid someone would see them and think I'm being violent towards women. Shibari at first glance does seem appealing to me. I find it's esthetics combined with incapacitating the partner to be fairly erotic. On the other hand, reading about risks of rope play is scary because I don't want to ruin someone's nerves for the rest of their life by accident.

More generally, BDSM I've seen online is a lot more extreme than what I'm drawn to. I feel for me, most of my kinks are sexual. It's about being the one in control during, dominating your partner, having power over them or humiliating them. I don't think it's easily adaptable to non-sexual scenarios.

Are my concerns warranted?