There is a BDSM party for masochist and sadist happening soon and I am going.

I think I may be a masochist and really want to explore it but also I think I might just be REALLY submissive and not a masochist.

Let me explain:

So far I have experienced spanking, paddling, light slapping, choking and used nipple clamps on my self. But I am interested in more pain inducing things and toys too.

I’m not sure if I like the pain as much as I like that the fact that a sadist dom would get pleasure from hurting me. I love the thought of making my dom super hard even though I am going through the worst pain of my life and crying. I want to sacrifice my pleasure in order to satisfy them. Maybe it’s not the pain itself but the tabooness or “wrongness” that I am letting someone hurt me for their own pleasure.

I have a fantasy of serving my future dom food and drinks and doing chores but if I trip and drop the glass or give him the wrong food that he would make me regret it by inflicting whatever pain he feels like (within my limits ofc) but also pushing my limits until I break and say the safe word. Then he would have sex with me very roughly with no regard to my sore bottom or breasts, etc.

When I have been slapped my ex in bed for smiling when he was trying to be intimidating, I just smiled bigger and wanted him to slap me again but harder. That was my first time being slapped and technically it wasn’t something he was supposed to do because we had never discussed slapping before. But either way I liked it but he never did it again, I think I just had pissed him off that day by not taking him seriously in bed. And when I get spanked-OH boy do I get wet! Padding wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be and I never apposed to it either. I love choking and might like nipple pain but I haven’t tried in but once like the another day. It definitely hurt but it made me feel really sexy and tingling at the same time.

I don’t know some of this sounds less like I like the pain and more like I just really fucking like making my doms happy and hard for me. But please tell me if I’m wrong though.

EDIT: I realize I said I would want to fucked after saying my safe word and that’s technically not proper play rules but I meant like I say the safe to get him to stop doing the painful thing I is currently doing and can’t take anymore but THEN after a bit of aftercare and talking me down then we could mutually agree to have sex together. Just wanted to clarify

EDIT: I will definitely update you all after the party happens and tell you how I liked everything 😈