I was in a relationship with a sub a little over 2 years ago for a while. It started off great, we got along well both kink and personality-wise. Conversations were great, sex was great, and overall we had a great time (at least I thought). Our sessions got intense (spanking, choking, humiliating, degrading) and I provided equal intense aftercare afterwards, knowing she had asked for this beforehand and stressed the importance of it. We went about 9 months with no issues, but then something changed.

After 9 months, it started with her not wanting full aftercare anymore. I was ok with this, albeit a little confused since we’d gotten into a rhythm, but it was what she asked for, so we shortened the aftercare and instead she would just leave. This continued for a little bit, with aftercare becoming shorter and shorter. Eventually, she asked to cut it out altogether. She said she still loved the sex, but it would be more “efficient” for us to just fuck and then get on with our day. I told her it was really ok, I enjoyed providing the aftercare, but she insisted, and it wasn’t a big deal for me so I didn’t have a problem with it.

I thought something was off at this point, but I didn’t want to press too much since I know she had lots of personal issues and was sensitive. But a couple weeks later, after one session she cried and left. I called her to ask what was wrong, and she spilled a lot of her thoughts, said she couldn’t believe what she let me do to her body for a year, couldn’t believe she’d been such a sl*t, didn’t know how she could call herself a feminist if she let a man do what I did to her. It really caught me off-guard. I had no idea she had these thoughts and would’ve loved to talk through them with her, but after then she asked if we could just split, and I asked her to talk about it but she said she’d prefer to forget the last year happened, so I respected her wishes and we cut contact.

This experience left me really confused, I won’t lie. It had never happened in the past. This girl had never been in a full bdsm dynamic, but told me she had been experimenting for years, so the “newness” of the situation could’ve factored in but I never noticed a change until 9 months in, when she asked for less aftercare.

I’d love to hear from some people and subs in this community what you think happened. Is this common? Has it ever happened to you? Is this sub burnout? I know what happened to me is over, and I can’t change anything, but I really want to make sure something like this doesn’t happen in the future, or maybe it’s something out of my control.

Oh and for some more context on her if helpful, she did come from a tradition / conservative and religious household. Her parents didn’t know about her dynamic but probably wouldn’t approve, and she had one close friend (also conservative and religious) who she told everything to, including our dynamic. I actually met her and she’s very nice, but apparently she wasn’t too thrilled about the dynamic, but she had known for a while basically a couple months in, so I don’t really think she had an effect.

I look forward to hearing all of your thoughts and perspectives. Hopefully I’ll take away something new.