So, i am 20M, and recently, i just had a bad mental health episode. My parents found my kink gear, and given how many times i also came close to getting in trouble with the law over the years, it was a big thing. The kink stuff is probably truelly a thing i am into, but it tends to lead me into a dark place.

Now i am autistic, and pretty sure i am queer to some degree. Now, here is where I'll be brief. Got a bad time being a child because of my undiagnosed autism spectrum disorder, which leads to crap in elementary and me kinda just being alone by choice near the end of sixth grade. Grade 7: 12, and got my first phone for Christmas, out of morbid curiosity, i look up "woman tied up naked." And that is where shit started becoming a bit bad. Started watching hypno, some good, but then got darker. Like obey, and erotic pet play types. This went on for years until grade 10 at some point. The chaos of the caused me to loose my phone, and many friends, and a good mental health.

High school: first year covid. Chostic, but whatever. Helped being at home to some degrees because it made it easier for my parents to intervene. Grade 11, was less chaotic, but bad still with me talking about kink still. (Oh i also talked about kink stuff with like 10 year old as a 14, 15 year old. That is why i got expelled in grade 10.) I made a friend in grade 11 who was into bdsm and was also sure i was gay. Came out and idk if her reaction validated or made things worse.

Grade 12: isolated, bc i was making, gay, furry, and petplayer my personality.

Now here: (skipping a few years.) I am 20, my parents looking through my phone, which is monitored bc of the history i had. I was back from a pup play event. At that time i failed to see how bad my mental health got. And so when i came back that Saturday, i was panicked, and was making plans to runaway.

Sunday and Monday: we talked about worse case scenario: being a prostitute, drugs, sex slave, desth, abuse, etc. That caused me to realize that i have a problem.

Now my confusion:

I have a genuine interest in being a dog for fun. I find it can be a relief, but everytime, it has lead me to a horrible mental health state. Darker humor, bullish conversations, and being easily irritated. The exact opposite of me.

Now, i can't separate how i felt in Saturday. It felt awesome at that mosh. Half nude, Crawling barking, sniffing, and friends. Parents pointed out that, they ate probably good people, but most want my body. I can't comment but i have always been trusting by nature. You could have red flags everywhere, and I'd still trust you type.

It is odd though.

Now, i wonder what is best in this case? How can i deal with the effects of the hypno, and my interest. I don't want to leave, but i need to find a community somewhere else. Problem is, i am worried that every other community, I'll have to hide my ASD. Even if i don't. Should i try and find out why? How can i kill it? Does anyone have any answers that i might not realize i need?