Hello, I'm fairly young (18), but I'm very turned on by BDSM. This past weekend, I went down a rabbit hole of watching videos made by Rachel Greyhound (bondage life). I very much enjoyed them, but I can't seem to shake a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I've watched BDSM porn (like kink.com) before, but Greyhound feels different. I think it's because I know that the other porn is made using actresses in a studio who get paid and go home at the end of the shoot, but Greyhound has hours of livestreams of her sleeping in bondage and isolation, not being allowed to cum for over a year, and being treated essentially no better than a dog that actually disturbs me, and yet, despite the fact I feel disturbed, I still get turned on by it. Even more confusing is the fact that I sometimes fantasize about being in her place. I know she enjoys it and makes money off of it, but I still can't help but feel sad for her and guilt over the fact I enjoy watching it happen to her.

I'm sorry if I come across as too sensitive for feeling this way. I know it is still just porn, and not entirely real.