I'm 35, and recently decided to stop being a sub because of how the entire scene seems to treat us : we have an extremely tough time finding partners AND people really look down on us for several reasons, especially because we're men.

I don't think I'm exaggerating anything : women and men don't talk the same way to people who are doms in the community, they give them respect, they have friendly chats and so on...and these are the ones who get most of the women. Also, female subs are ACTUALLY respected because they're the ones who get to choose.

Being a submissive man in the scene feels like being a fifth wheel : you're not needed, there are way, way too many of us for how many mistresses there are out there, people think something's wrong with you for enjoying this,...yada yada.

I remember going to a kinky talk / kinky lab once, there were 50 of us : none of the guys claimed to be a sub out of the 30 who were there, I was the only one (most claimed to be switches). You know what happened after I talked to several of them afterwards? Literally half of the men were subs...tell me there isn't something going on there.

In 4 months, since I stopped being a sub, I got 5 different partners. Wanna know how many I got in 5 years before that? No more than 5, literally.

I love being a sub, I love being vulnerable, my kinks have a lot to do with being a sub...but it's just not worth it for guys. So much time invested for nothing.

The good news is I'm still "kinda" young : 35 is nowhere near being late when you see so many 50 peeps in the BDSM scene. I'm glad I realized that before it was too late

That's how I'm feeling about it all. Sorry if it sounds like I'm a bit...I don't know, bitter I guess, about it.

I do feel happier now, so it was definitely worth it, but I feel like it's so unfair in general.