I'm a 20s something straight male dom.

I've been in various scenes over the years and everywhere is a sausage fest. It kinda sucks.

The women tend to make friendships in the scene pretty fast which is great, but I'll be honest, I'm not in the scene to make friends unless they are women I can play with. I know this makes me sound like a dickhead, but I promise you 90% of straight male doms are the same, they might lie about it but they re just like me.

I'm friendly at munches, I don't treat them like dating events, but really I would not be there if there was no prospect of meeting women. Every guy is more or less the same.

We're not particularly interested in getting to know each other and a lot of the time guys try and compete - it's really annoying. None of us really want to talk about our experiences with each other, unless it's to try and outcomes the last guy. If I wanted to socialise with some lads, I'd do that with my vanilla friends!!

There is also just such a huge gender inbalance. So many men. So few women, many of whom are taken or get scared off by the hoard of men who are obviously there to talk to women and not men. Again, I know this makes me sound like an ass, maybe I am an ass, but it is the truth.

Even when looking online the gender inbalance is overwhelming. Just look at bdsmpersonals sub reddit.

People normally say that most men are low quality/unattractive/creepy/fake doms/fake subs etc so it doesn't matter. This is very true but it's still kind of demoralising to know that women have hundreds of guys in their DMs, if you send a message she will probably not see it let alone read it. Or if I strike up a conversation with a girl then I am the twentieth guy to do so - and again, our intentions are obvious even if we act normal about it.

Let me be clear so I don't leave this open to interpretation: I'm not blaming women at all. Every woman I've met or played with in the scene has been awesome. Obviously the other side of this equation isn't particularly pleasant either. The things women have to do to protect themselves from hoards of horny men really suck. But for the most part I'm just looking to speak for myself here.

This leads me onto my final thought. I think the gender ratio is making me insecure. I know it shouldn't but I can't help having flaws. For what it's worth, I detect a lot of guys feel the same. Doms don't want to admit it because they're protective of their masculinity or whatever but I don't give a fuck - I am a dom, I am a real person and I have insecurities.

This is amplified by the general culture in kink of casual play partners, multiple play partners etc. Sometimes this makes me feel more pressure to perform, I feel disposable because there are just so many other men. Sometimes sex isn't always fantastic, sometimes a scene doesn't go to plan - anyone with experience knows this and it's ok; but boy it sucks knowing there are 50 guys that could replace me on the same day.

I'm realising that this isn't a unique to the kink community, I know for a fact that vanilla guys feel a similar way. The open and sex positive culture makes it worse though. I'm not saying anything can or should be done about this, I'm just observing.

I love kink but a lot of the time I don't feel cut out for the kink community. The gossip, the feedback the competition - the fucking gender ratio man. When the gender ratio is so off in the community, it kinda kills the vibe and makes a lot of guys, including me, insecure.

This is a lot longer and more vulnerable than I intended so I'll end here.

Thanks all.