The title's pretty self-explanatory, but I'll add some context here. I've been having rape fantasies about women I'm attracted to for years and, even though I've never been tempted to act of them, I've always felt guilty for that. I've had people online try to reassure me by saying I'm fine because lots of women have similar fantasies. But that's never felt helpful. Here's why:

When women have fantasies about being raped, from what admittedly brief, unofficial research I've done, It's typically for one of three big reasons.

One: They have to deal with a lot of responsibility in their daily life, so the idea of being "subjugated" by partners they trust provides a sense of comfort and relief that translates to arousal within that setting.

Two: They've suffered from an actual rape and are trying to recreate their trauma in a controlled environment as a means of mitigating the negative impact that traumatic experience has left of them.

Three: They like the idea of someone finding them so attractive that they lose control and are even willing to risk getting locked away and branded as garbage just for the sake of getting to fuck them.

None of these mentalities sound inherently wrong or problematic to me(Although they can easily be if their levels of intensity become extreme). Nor does the idea of a man playing along with a woman's fantasy to please her. What worries me are the implications of a man, like me, having a rape fantasy all on his own.

The only two motives I can think of for this being the case is an attraction to power dynamics(Which is the case for me), or the desire to make women suffer. Both of which strike me as coming from an unhealthy place and being more likely to become problematic. It's especially troubling for me because my fantasy directly goes against the ethics and morals my family spent years trying to drill into my head, most of which were pretty much meant to lead me away from becoming an asshole.

And, well...I can't think of much that's more asshole-like than wilfully taking the potential risk of giving some poor girl a lifetime of PTSD just for the sake of getting my rocks off. To make matters worse, I actually know more than a few rape victims(Mostly family members), and I've seen for myself the type of long-term impact such abuse can have. It's not a pretty sight. But I'm still getting off to scenarios where I'll inflict similar trauma on others. What does that say about me as a person?