I have seen quite a bit of content related to free use start to gain popularity these past few years. However, like most porn, I have also noticed that it is usually a shallow male focused representation of the dynamic and that does it a huge disservice. As such, I want to take a minute and expose people to what actually makes free use so amazing; the psychology that fuels it from the subs perspective. If you have started dreaming about or have experience with free uses dynamics, I would love to hear your thoughts on my take. 🙂

To fully understand free use, let me start with a metaphor. I took a creative writing class many years ago and one of our units was on poetry. We explored all sorts of structures and styles, but one element in particular stuck out to me. In a somewhat abstract perspective, our professor explained that poetry is not just words, but the space on the paper itself. How you format and present the text can be just as if not more impactful than the meaning of the actual words. The staunch contrast of a single word in the middle of an empty page may be more striking than the most eloquent of sonnets. The lesson I took from this is how you present something is sometimes more important than the thing itself.

So how does this relate to free use? Simply put, the excitement of free use does not come from the sex or play itself, but rather the ever looming possibility of it. The time spent outside of play is the proverbial blank space upon which you will write your erotic poetry through action. In a typical free use dynamic, the sub gives their dom full permission to use them however and whenever they want (within reason of course and usually with pre-established hard limits and a safe word). A simple interpretation of this is that the dom will use their sub for their pleasure when the mood strikes them, and then go back to their day, but that is such a limited and shallow understanding. I submit that when a dom agrees to a free use dynamic they are committing to a 24/7 tease. The sub knows that at any moment they can be subject to the whims of their dom, but they never know when that moment will come. Consequently, any interaction between the two morphs from a mundane act into a hair raising moment of sexual tension. Are they simply doing the dishes, or is the sub about to be bent over this sink? Are they having a nice hike, or is the sub about to be pressed up against a tree with a palm over their mouth and a hand down their pants. Are they having a quiet dinner, or is the sub's mouth about to be full of something else. It is said about horror films that the monster you imagine is always more terrifying than the monster you see. Well, the same principle works here. It is infinitely more arousing for the sub to think about all the possible ways they may be used then the actual use itself. 

To capitalize on this, the dom should try and remain as unpredictable as possible, never letting their sub get into a rhythm. Some days the dom might get right into it with no warning and blow after five minutes. Other days they may verbally tease all day, building tension, until later when the play is finally happening and about to climax, the dom stops and says we are done for the day, leaving the sub in a state of aroused hysteria. When paired with orgasm control (aka the sub is not allowed to make themselves cum), the ever present sexual tension gets multiplied tenfold, leaving the sub not only wondering when their dom is about to use them but desperately craving it. Despite the fact that their sub has fully submitted to their dom's desires, the dom should take every effort to reassure their sub that they are not only grateful for their sub's complete submission, but also desperately want their sub just as much as their sub wants them.

As you can see, a free use dynamic is so much more than just having an “personal f*ck toy.” When both parties fully commit to their roles, a true free use dynamic can form a deep sexual connection between partners that is unlike any other. It is a level of erotic commitment that sounds like ecstasy and I truly hope to experience it excitement first hand.