Hey, I have something I've been struggling with and with the upcoming play party I'm even more so nervous about it. I am straight, very comfortable in that, done a lot of soul searching. I genuinely have never played with anyone except the person I was monogamous with. That is ending, and there's a bit of baggage there, but I digress.

I know that if I'm going to engage in any type of activity at a play party I know that I would like it to be with a biological female. Now I genuinely do not know how to navigate this in the current climate with people who are femme presenting. I know some people are very much "if you can't tell, why does it bother you?" Well to be absolutely honest, I'm really not attracted to other penises and I'm really not attracted to a woman who has a penis. No part of me is interested in bi or anything of that either.

Like if I'm going to do anything at the play party the person on the other end of it, can sport a rubber phallus, but it better not be a real one otherwise I'm not interested.

How do I navigate this if I'm sitting there not sure if the person I'm engaging with simply femme presenting and not actually in possession of a vagina?

Would that be simply something covered in the conversation? Is it seen as being insulting?

Like "Oh, you're very beautiful, and I would love to consider doing a scene with you. Are you a female by chance?" That feels...kinda heartless.

And there's a possibility at the play party that there will be a vacbed, and people practically fill the dance card for the whole night. How do I navigate that, "while I'm in there, I'd prefer if only females with vaginas do anything." Like is that ok? That doesn't exactly feel ok.

I know this got a little rambly, and yes, I do have anxiety, how could you tell. I just want to make sure I approach this event with an informed mind and I can be comfortable while not making someone else feel uncomfortable because I don't like something about them.