I just need to get this off my chest.

I know that many people have found their partner, their dominant, or their owner and I just want to say you should treasure them.

I've been into this lifestyle since I was 18, I've had play partners, I've had FLRs, and I've had people who said they wanted to be my owner - but not once, has it ever worked out.

The mental and emotional energy of finding someone who is A) available B) shares similar interests C) willing to actually talk to you is so extremely, extremely draining and tiring. The smallest difference or difficulty and you will be dropped, or lose interest - and I understand. I know dommes have to deal with thousands of men, but all I'm saying is that it's emotionally draining for the subs as well.

Then searching through profile after profile, "don't message if you're older than 30" "Only looking for finsubs" I know genuine people are out there but it truly is a minefield to step into and extremely exhausting after decades of searching

Then if you match with someone, you visit them, you play, it's great - then the same thing. One difference, one difficulty and all that time you spent, all those texts, mean nothing, and you're dropped. And at the end of it, they'll say "I'm sure you'll find your owner one day".

It's been fourteen years and I'm starting to think that one day will never happen.

I think the hardest thing for me is when I break down and message the dommes I've had in the past, people who said they loved me, they ignore my messages or plainly say they don't want a dynamic. I just don't understand how someone could love you and give you everything and then, just a year later and they want nothing to do with you.

I know that it is possible, and the largest reason I am not owned is my own fault, I made mistakes with partners I should have treasured.

At the end of the day it's something I need in my life, at least I think, and I have to keep pushing on and trying to find that one person but I do have to admit; it is starting to feel hopeless.

but hopefully we'll all find what we want someday.