I’m planning on getting medical attention when I get off work. I won’t do breath play anymore.

Yesterday I had my partner choke me with his hands. He did it a few times but the last time he stopped choking before I did pass out completely. He normally uses his elbow if that makes sense but he is really good at doing it quickly with both his hands and elbow, it feels like he can do it instantly. He usually lets me pass out and then wakes me up.

I don’t see him often so this isn’t like something I’m doing all the time. Yesterday after we finished and he gave me aftercare, I had terrible chest pain. My head hurt and I felt weird. We took a nap and I still had chest pain after I woke up. He told me I was acting weird and said I seemed out of it.

Now today my chest pain is gone but it feels kinda tight but manageable and I feel hazy. I skipped my two lectures this morning because I felt so fuzzy. I had good rest and I ate a good breakfast. I’m working and still able to fulfill my work duties I just feel kinda sloppy and disconnected. I also feel really sad and irritable for some reason. I like being alive I know these feelings aren’t real.

Awhile ago, he choked me to the point of passing out more than once and the next day I fell down some steps at work in front of clients because I got dizzy. I don’t know if it was connected or because my work is an extreme environment with huge temperature changes. I was fine but since I hit my head my boss called medics as an extra precaution. After looking at me and getting my vitals, they said I was fine.

I know it’s better to be safe than sorry I think I’m just discouraged to seek medical help and have them tell me I’m over thinking this and waste their time. I feel stupid and insecure about what I’m experiencing. I’m not embarrassed about explaining how it happened to a medical professional I’m just insecure that the symptoms I tell them I’m having will be dismissed as mental health related things which is something I’m sensitive about due to past experiences.