Feeling extremely vulnerable so this post is under an alt account because my main is associated with my Fetlife. I finally took the leap to join & participate in my kink for the first time in my life.
I did all the right things. Used other people to vet and was very frank in my communication. There was this guy who came highly recommended. We started just talking platonically and over a few weeks of texting daily we built up a pretty significant connection including sexting, in my opinion. He even sent me a pic of someone he had tied up to show me his setup and what he’d like to do to me. Had a super long phone call with some low-key phone sex (more like phone foreplay) and then continued to text. And then things dropped off right before the holiday.

I touched base with the person who vetted him and they were extremely reassuring. They were also a low key inspiration to me because they’re so confident and indulgent in their kinks. Low and behold he responded within another day, apologizing because it’s a busy week for him and assuring me that he wants to set something up, etc. The message had the same tone and length as all the others so between his message and the person who recommended him, I trust he’s being truthful. Sent them a couple of dates asking what would be better for him. Almost 2 days later still no response.

I feel neurotic. Through some self reflection it seems like I might have rejection sensitive dysphoria. Between that and old abandonment wounds and being treated as undesirable/not priorities by partners in the past the sudden shift in communication is super triggering. Then I opened up a little to the person that vetted for me because we got to chatting and idk maybe I overshared?

I just feel sick to my stomach. It’s totally possible he’s actually busy but now I’m overthinking. I got my hopes up for nothing, was vulnerable and explicit with a guy who seemed so dead set to have me visit, and now the lack of communication feels like what previous men have done despite all the effort I put in to sussing him out.
It feels like nobody ever talks about how painful it can be to be vulnerable and intimate in the kink world before you even get to the kink part. I’m honestly feeling gut punched because now not only do I feel all those things about the play partner but also the mentor figure I thought I gained who also never responded. I basically just told them they were right and that I learned i need to occupy my time better and my action steps just because i was proud.

Fuck me, I regret opening up to anyone now. It hurts so much and what’s worse is I could still be completely overreacting which is embarrassing as hell.

How do y’all deal with being vulnerable only for it to backfire so often? I don’t think I can keep doing this and I legit just started. Took myself off of dating apps because the same flakiness was depressing.