Trigger warning - CSA but won’t go into detail -

Hi everyone I’m so sorry for the weird rollercoaster of a post - some comments were made that brought this to my attention today and I just wanted to get some opinions.

I’ve always considered myself as bi-sexual but a friend pointed out today that I might not be as Bi as I think I am lol

I’m attracted to both men and women although I feel like relationship wise I feel like lean more towards a relationship with a man But sexually I’m more attracted to women and there are many things I would/have done with women that I wouldn’t do with a man and they seem to be the more intimate things for example kissing with men I do not enjoy and will avoid it at all costs but could kiss a woman all day 😂 I’m not a fan of men touching my breasts or really anywhere top half where as with women it’s not an issue. The thing is I had some awful things done to me as a kid by men so I’m not sure if my uncomfortableness is stemming from trauma or not.

When it comes to kink and intimacy with either gender Im definitely submissive/masochist and tend to be attracted to very dominant sadistic people- but with men I want them to hurt me and I will push for as much pain as I can get where as with women it’s very different i still enjoy the pain but i gravitate more towards just wanting to please them and I feel like that might be because although im still submissive I can control the pain I get now coming from men . Does that make sense ?

Sorry I know I’m rambling my mind is just going through so many emotions right now.

I think I’m just confused as to what I am not only regarding my sexuality but also as a submissive like what am I ?

Happy to clarify anything else that needs explaining in the comments. I’m sorry for the confusing post.