Hi, I (27M) am in a FLR (27F) and am looking for ways to spice up an already spicey relationship.

Goddess does a lot of great play and care with me and has a developing sex drive, here are some things we do:

Chastity, I'm always in a cage, she orgasms when she wants and I come when she says & how she says (usually in a pull out situation which almost feels like ruining, I have a vasectomy but she hates clean up but will allow it rarely -- and I just can't before anyone gets ideas lol).

Worshiping her, either orally or by nonsexual actions like cream on her feet, start a bath, always open doors for her, etc.

She teases me by getting all dressed up and denying me orgasm and uses a wand, I would love for her (not to read a script) but to be a little more focused on which outcome she wants before she starts a scene -- she likes to feel it out, which I want to do better at as well.

And sometimes we play with bondage, though between life being in the way of having a proper play place and bondage slowing down the scene, it isn't something we play with too often but I would love to use more!

Now here's where some insanity starts... Childhood trauma.

My mom abused me growing up and constantly dropped in and out of my life.

She kept me on a short metaphorical leash:

By controlling and/or seducing my friend groups.

Total financial domination being held over my head.

Wearing very little around the house.

Having me do a lot of chores and be the "Man of the house" while constantly degrading my gender, pressuring me to be better than the men she knew (and there was a lot).

I was pretty mixed up by all this, and I got really into cross dressing before I knew what an orgasm was. Something about the tightness in my chest, the feeling that maybe she would love me if I was a girl like she'd wanted. Even if I wasn't a pretty girl...

Then she started interacting with me, leaving little teasing notes and occasionally brushing up against me in an oh-so innocent way and accidentally leaving the door open when she was changing into lingerie with no other adults in the house. Right.

I later learned through a cleverly crafted conversation that just "led into it" that she wouldn't love me if I was LGBT. To be clear, I have no interest in transitioning, just addicted to the feeling mentioned above, but think that's really terrible though unfortunately not unheard of.

I say cleverly crafted conversation because she later confessed to me about manipulating her friends to get jobs or places to stay and good meals to eat. I really believe she is a sick woman and there's a dozen good reasons for that, but that's not why I'm mentioning this.

While having so much resentment to this woman and going no contact with her, she still holds a place in my mind and I want my Goddess now to be as demanding and controlling as she was because then it's my choice to submit or to end the scene. It becomes a way to take back power from her, only neither of us know exactly how to do that.

As far as cross dressing, I still love to do that but Goddess says she doesn't get anything out of it and it has stood in the way of sexy times before which really set us back from building her power and making her feel sexy and confident, so we kinda stopped cold turkey for a few years. Until we discovered chastity and then sparks were flying again for me, but I've been too scared to try and communicate anything to her about it for now.

Back on point, we're going to be in our own place again soon and all of this can be explored again, at a pace.

So I guess a power dynamic is partly something I'm asking about?

TIA for thoughts, suggestions, ideas and discussion