As far as I can tell, I have a fairly 'strict' definition of consent. Consent should be:

- affirmative and attuned: affirmative (yes means yes) isn't enough because people with trauma may have a fawn reaction, and affirmative doesn't work for any type of consensual non-consent. Therefore, being attuned to your partner, their body language, comfort, past behaviors, desire, etc., is important. There is no such things as "non verbal consent" or "implied consent". It must be affirmatively, expressly given.

- freely given: you know, no substances, no coercion, no manipulation, no duress

- enthusiastic: not merely "okay", "sure", "I guess", but body language and word choices reflect enthusiasm for what both (or more) partners are about to do. both partners have agency and free will in the situation

- continuous: consent can be revoked at any time, even if something was negotiated in advance. consent for a new activity should not be sought when a submissive/bottom is in "subspace", which is sort of like asking for consent while someone is high. Instead, activities should be negotiated prior to the start of activity - this is especially important with new partners versus in the LTR/dynamic.

- revokable by any party

- unless the partners have agreed to CNC or free use, an ongoing relationship does not imply blanket consent. (I see a lot of erotica on reddit marked "CNC" instead of non-consent if it's between partners, which is upsetting to me personally).

- informed: relationship status, STI status, ability to provide aftercare (or lack thereof), use of substances prior to/during a scene should all be disclosed. Ideally, any past consent violations (if someone has violated consent in the past**) should be disclosed, and any triggers should as well.

- all parties should be aware of risk involved. eg, don't suggest breathe play to a partner who is new to BDSM without informing them of the potential risk. as someone engaging kink, especially if new, do your own research into the risks involved with each type of play.

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FYI: I write consent policies IRL. Those are long; this is much shorter and off-the-cuff. I also write consent-forward erotica.

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If you disagree or would like to add to this, I'd like to hear your thoughts. Please no personal attacks or uncivil discourse.

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** nope, I wouldn't want a partner who has in the past; but the vast majority of folks that have "violated consent" or assaulted someone are still walking around freely. some people may choose to engage with them if they've taken steps toward accountability. some may not.