I’ll try my best to summarize my situation but it is a fucking mess and there is no real way to do this without leaving a lot on the cutting room floor, feel free to ask me anything and I can provide proof if required but I would rather not doxx anyone or any playspace if I can avoid it.

I have had what is probably one of the worst experiences possible in the BDSM community.

I had participated in the community for three years before walking out around 2022. In that time I had been vetted for 13 dungeons, organized and ran three munches a month, and developed a full-on technology plan for a large commercial dungeon in the area that wasn’t used unfortunately but involved a rigging setup that ran two separate remote-controlled sex machines that could be both programmed or run over the internet via a live stream (spent 2k on equipment and I did not charge for labor, but if I had the discounted rate would have been $1700 American). There is more, but I don’t want to be here all day writing a resume, I think I have demonstrated that I was making a serious attempt to contribute to my local community.

To spite this, I have not been able to get one freaking play partner, and my overall experience has been simply rife with prejudice and disrespect. I’ll be fucking blunt about it, I’m ugly as fuck, I am deformed (as in missing a part of my body), and I’m also a fucking virgin which isn’t helping things either. I was always honest about my situation, and the honesty backfired spectacularly. I was asked to prove I’m not an Incel multiple times and every fucking play space gave me the run around with some kind of probationary period or a special rule where I would not be allowed to play or I was asked not to participate in certain events or approach people under certain circumstances; each time, there rules where not for new members to the play space, but just for me in particular.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I get it. There are a lot of fucking creeps and nobody likes an uggo, combine that with the V-card and I understand the apprehension, especially for the first year in the community. However, the apprehension never really stopped for me. No one is entitled to play or sex or whatever, but I just wish I was given the same dignity as everyone else after my first year. Again, I’m not just some rando, I’m actively hitting every single space in the community putting up time, effort, and capital, in a professional capacity for three consecutive years. If you think I’m an incel creep, why let me in the fucking door? and why hire me to work and provide services/equipment for the play space? I wouldn’t keep a creeper on my payroll, and I have fired people for that exact reason. Help me understand.

I ultimately left the community for two reasons in 2022. First and foremost I was stalked and doxxed and ultimately forced out. My safety was compromised and so was the safety of anyone that I would have continued to associate with. The stalking situation seems like it might be resolved by now, so I think the worst of it is thankfully over. The second reason was just the absolute fucking burnout from the last 3 years.

So I really just have a few questions, but feel free to comment anyway even if you don’t have any advice, I’ve been out of the community for two years now and I’m frankly starved for conversation with kinky people.

How should I go about reconnecting with the BDSM community?

Is it even worth doing given my situation and how I have been treated in the past?

I have a sex dungeon worth of equipment that has been collecting dust for two years…. Suggestions?

I’m done writing for now. I’m going to smoke a fucking blunt into the next dimension. I might not reply for a while.