Last night, my partner (27f) and I (27mtf) were doing a bit of kinky rp over text. For reference, she's usually the Dominant. We're both new(ish) to kink, and unfortunately didn't properly negotiate the scene beforehand. Things started off pretty well, but partway through, she sent me a picture of a particularly sadistic collar that made me feel uncomfortable. I gave the signal for yellow, and we paused for a minute to talk. I told her why it made me feel uneasy, and I asked her if she planned on getting me a collar like the one she showed me(we had talked about her collaring me a few days prior, she wanted to surprise me). Her response wasn't to reassure me or to make sure I was okay. Instead, she snapped at me, and was pretty upset that I had asked that question. She rather flatly told me "there's a difference between fantasy and reality." That statement wasn't exactly helpful to my mental state at the time, and still stings a bit.

A week ago, before this happened, we had a talk about keeping our kink relationship healthy and fun. During that discussion, I told her that I'd like to move away from emotional sadism and punishment, and toward service, which we're both very fond of. Unfortunately, I wasn't as clear with what I wanted as I could have been. As a result, not negotiating the rp beforehand led to that more sadistic image she sent me.

After I used the safeword, I explained to her more clearly what I wanted from the scene, and reiterated the importance of safewords as well as the fact that using one didn't mean I thought any less of her or her capabilities as a Domme. She just kinda crumbled after that, saying she ruined everything, her confidence was gone, and that she fucked everything up with the picture.

We're giving each other some space right now. It hurts me to see her this way. I don't feel unsafe around her, nor do I believe her anger was directed at me in particular. Rather, I believe it had more to do with her being in that sadistic headspace when neither of us truly enjoy it. Bad vibes all around, essentially. On my end, there was no lasting harm done, but I'm worried about her wellbeing. I fear that she's been more affected by this than I have.

What are some ways I can help build her back up? How do I show her that the way I see her hasn't changed?