First of all, anarchism doesn't mean no rules or governance. It means, at least to me, self-governance by the people at large, free association, and minimal-to-no hierarchy. I also am under no illusions that anarcho-syndicalism (my personal favorite flavor of anarchism) could actually work on a large scale in the modern world. But anarchism definitely colors my worldview and how I feel about interpersonal relationships. I practice relationship anarchy.

I'm EXTREMELY independent. And I bristle at being told what to do, especially by a man, and especially if it doesn't make sense to me. I'm autistic, with just a whiff of PDA. So like, random dude tells me I should smile more? Oh, I was born wishing a motherfucker would! I had a boyfriend try to give me unsolicited advice on my business, when he had never had a small business of his own, or done sales or marketing, and had zero knowledge of the niche industry I was in. I very nearly broke up with him on the spot.

So why then am I such a huge fan of rules and being told what to do when it comes to this one particular type of relationship😆? I know that part of it is that I have to be in charge of so much else in my life. And part of it is that explicit rules are so much preferable to the myriad unwritten, unclear, mysterious "rules" of neurotypical vanilla interpersonal relationships. But how is it that I love (though it is challenging) deferring to my Dom?

Any other folks into power exchange but also have a deep resistance to hierarchical systems?